There are two quotes from a NY Times article entitled “How to Party (Without Regrets)” that are being shared around. I have included a screenshot of those two quotes:
The quotes are both by white women, and this is absolutely relevant. Have you heard the statement “white women are the men of women” yet? If you are a white woman who follows me, you probably have and already understand why.
Reminder, I consider my page here my House. And whether in my physical home or in my virtual home, there are no shoes allowed.
Saying that it is “rude” to ask people coming into your own home to remove their shoes is, in most cases, absolutely colonial. White dominant culture often deems physical closeness, loudness, cleanliness, or seasoning as “rude.”
It is the refusing guest that is “rude.”
Saying “hosting is letting guests enjoy themselves” in this context is a colonial approach to relationships and homes. Everyone should be enjoying themselves. But in colonialism, the host becomes the servant.
Colonization is based on entering a space without respecting the customs. It is having the audacity to expect the space holder to cater to your pleasure and comfort.
Finally, even outside of one’s specific cultural practices, dirt, and bacteria, there is also literal fecal matter of multiple species on the soles of shoes. Countless studies show almost all shoes carry fecal matter and the transfer rate to other surfaces is nearly guaranteed.
So no, if you do not respect the customs and practices, you are not even permitted to enter. You don’t even get an invite. Decolonize your mind. If the space holder asks you to, take off your damn shoes.
The only times I have ever made exceptions is when someone can’t or shouldn’t take off their shoes for accessibility reasons, safety reasons like doing construction (and then I give them booties), or when it’s a Femme of Color who tells me so. Those are the rules.
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