YK’s 365 Release: Day 40

I have been sharing stories, every single day for over a month with people through this 365 Release. I know people read it only because they let me know, and this I appreciate so much because you are taking the time to share this journey.

Most of the stories I am sharing for the first time. This practice is not only teaching me how to let go, but it’s teaching me how to be even more open than I already was. I’m very open about my life because I have learned so much from it. At the same time, there are certain aspects of myself that only very close loved ones get to know. I like it this way. So while I am sharing many personal and dear stories here, I will always have parts of myself that are for those in my more intimate life, parts only for my family, and parts of myself that are only for me. I believe this is healthy.

I fiercely enjoy every moment I have to myself. It is necessary. It is time for reflection, time for growth, time to be with myself. This to me is fundamental. I love my time alone. I make sure I have more solitary time probably than most have available. There are some days I don’t hear anyone else’s voice, days that I don’t speak to anyone. On these days the only voice I hear is my own uttering my first word of the morning, OM.

I need this time of contemplation, and some days, when I am writing my entry for this project, I find it can be trying to stay so open to the world. For some entries, I reach deep into my past and confront pain, emotion, memories, and growth. I have found myself laughing, crying and conjuring up a whole gamut of feelings while writing. Some days it would be so easy to just state what the object is and call it a day. Those are the days I feel that instinct to retreat into my Cancerian shell and be silent. Oh, how this practice is teaching me.

But I understand that being open is a part of being blissful. The two go hand in hand. I have trained myself, over the past few years, to be this unrestrictedly open, since my nature before that was to be aloof. Yet I also found myself naturally opening up because I began to understand that trusting my community was a way I could express love for it.

By entrusting you with my journey of pain, laughter and lessons, I am also communicating to you that I cherish you and value your presence in my life. In order to experience full bliss I have opened my heart, fully.

So this is why I am open. I am open because I love. I will remain open, unconditionally. I would be doing my 365 Release even if no one in the universe were reading my entries, because the practice is for my personal growth of trusting myself. I would be challenging myself to release these personal stories even if there were no one there to hear them, because me being open is never contingent on who is out there. It is a part of spreading my arms to the universe, diving into her ebb and flow, and letting her carry me wherever I am meant to go. It is part of me trusting.

So, through this project I have been growing and challenging myself to be open most importantly to myself. Keeping myself open. What an incredible lesson. I have pages and pages of reflections from this project that go beyond even what I publish online partially because the sheer volume of writing is immense.

Today I’m releasing one of my tools to keeping open, a tool I use when I am alone. Because we need to have that time alone, interestingly enough, to be able to open ourselves up to the world. A Moleskin notebook. For notes, ideas, ruminations and contemplations to oneself. May we always cherish our alone time so we may be open to ourselves.

 

[I created the 365 Release Project to practice non-attachment, letting go and change by giving away 1 thing a day for 1 year. The background, vision and guidelines to the 365 RELEASE project are here. The running list of everything I have released is here.]


2 responses to “YK’s 365 Release: Day 40”

  1. […] Day 40 (10/17/10): Moleskin notebook [pragmatism] […]

  2. […] raw, unedited, uncensored. There are of course parts of my life that are private and personal (see Day 40), parts that are reserved for a partner, parts that are for friends in closer proximity, but […]

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