YK’s 365 Release: Day 36

I have already lived such a complex and intricate life, full of labyrinths and myriads of passages. I have lived lifetimes of experiences, centuries of dreams and boundless possibilities. This is why, now, I wish to live a simple life. I wish only to be happy.

In order to push the boundaries of reality and simply live a simple life, one has to remove inhibition and hesitation. In my case, this means I also eliminated certain social screening tactics. I say exactly what I am thinking, whether it is acceptable or not under convention. But then again, why would I start following convention all of a sudden?

For example, someone made some kimchi for a friend. I eagerly tasted it and made a face. He asked how it was with anticipation and eagerness, and I bluntly said, “It’s too salty.” I think he was slightly shocked at my candidness. It was really too salty. I don’t mind these social “blunders” because I have nothing to hide. I would rather my honesty than cloudy inferences and vague reactions.

My friends are the ones who point out these bluntness moments to me. They find my ingenuousness amusing because I always say what I am thinking and you can see everything right there on my face. I like how this means everyone knows exactly how I feel. This is refreshing. If you are someone I love, you indubitably know it. If something is bothering me, this is always made clear. I am endlessly passionate about everything in this universe, and I open myself up unconditionally.

That is how I am.

Unfortunately, that is not how the rest of the world functions. We live in a society that conditions us to skirt around political correctness, that teaches us to fabricate comments to avoid hurting people’s pride and feelings. Our polite culture has created a convoluted avoidance dance in which both parties knowingly abide by this disdainful script, whether it be in regard to how one looks in a dress (the notorious, “does this dress make me look fat?”), to how one cooks, whether you have something in your teeth, to telling people you care about them, to remaining silent when injustice is happening. This politeness is detracting from us being able to say what we are really feeling, and consequently creates an entire force field of illusion and a culture of automatic defensiveness. It also prohibits us from trust because everyone is always superficially suspicious, because no one actually shares what is on their minds, because people question the intentions and motives of everyone around them.

I do not like any of this, so I try to live in the way that I believe has integrity for my beliefs. This means breaking from the default mode of “being safe”. This means letting people know I love and care about them now, not later (this also has to do with living in the present). It means I am honest and loyal. It means I am able to discern where my boundaries lie. It means I live in this moment, and that is freeing because right now is the only moment that matters. My actions match my words and never will you be confused between what I say and what I do because they are always synchronized. You will always know where you stand with me.

As a workshop facilitator I consciously remember un-learning defensiveness so that I could receive criticism and feedback for all of my work, studies, performance. I always ask my participants to tell me at least one point I can change. And I always listen and make the changes actively. It is a deliberate and intentional process of understanding that feedback is critical to growth. It was a long and arduous self-evaluation period but has proved imperative to my growth. I have integrated this into all aspects of my life.

This is why I have found that many of the people close to me are those who are not afraid to say what they mean, what they are thinking. I would rather you tell me my kimchi is salty than me continue to serve salty kimchi.

If I believe your goal is to help me become a more awesome YK, I will love you for your words, whether they are praises or criticisms. I will be grateful for your honesty and for your respect for me. Because trusting someone means you have respect for them. I trust and respect myself and show you this through everything I do. I open myself up to you. Know that I am here in this universe to also help others find bliss. I have no other intention than to find happiness and facilitate that for others as well. It is that simple. I respect you, so I trust you.

On day 36 of my 365 Release practice for non-attachment, I am letting go of an extra mirror. For some reason, mirrors are exorbitantly expensive (along with: contact lens solution, bras, feminine sanitary products, cereal, and other things that I believe are unnecessarily overpriced) and I have held onto this one precisely because of this. Again, as I am learning, what good is an object’s price if it isn’t even being used?

Mirrors are literal reflections of ourselves. The people I hold close to me are metaphoric reflections of myself. They are the ones that tell me exactly what is on their minds. I love exceptionally because those I love are exceptional. I will love you more if you always share the reality (even if it is difficult) because you will be contributing to my path of a greater and expanded life. In addition, I will respect you for being real. My greatest growth has originated from life’s most difficult lessons. And know that I too will always be myself and you can count on my open, honest, and compassionate heart. Know that I trust you unconditionally, because I respect you.

[I created the 365 Release Project to practice non-attachment, letting go and change by giving away 1 thing a day for 1 year. The background, vision and guidelines to the 365 RELEASE project are here. The running list of everything I have released is here.]


One response to “YK’s 365 Release: Day 36”

  1. […] Day 36 (10/13/10): mirror […]

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